I Don't Even Awards Part 3 - Plot

Here we go, the penultimate IDEA post. This time we look at the "plots" that make the "movies" we watch so "good." So be sure to read Saturday's post too, which will hand out the illustrious Worst Movie Award.

Best Line -TIE-

This was a hard one to choose, so I'm giving it to both of them.

"I had a feeling this evening would end up like this, so I used these grenades as a jock strap!" - Mad Bull 34 Part 2: The Manhattan Connection

Mad Bull was one of the craziest things we watched, and this scene was so amazing. Watching Mad Bull drop his pants, revealing not his impressive junk, but grenades was a very magical moment. What made this all the better was what he said about this. Somehow, in his mind it was perfectly logical to think that because things could go badly, he needed to make a jockstrap out of grenades.

"We're afraid that the bad karma from your brother's homosexuality will rub off on the children and send their souls a to hell!... You may carry some bad karma from your brother" - Ben & Arthur

Both Mad Bull and Ben & Arthur have won a lot of awards for good reasons. This line is one of the many defining moments of Ben & Arthur. Victor's Catholic priest kicks Victor out of the church, saying this. Apparently no one told Sam Mraovich that karma is not a Catholic belief.

Most Inappropriate Response

Ohaha! What a story Mark! - The Room

"I knew this girl once, she had a dozen guys, then one day one of them found out about it, and he put her in a hospital."

"Oh ha ha ha ha, what a story Mark!"

Laughter is the best response to domestic abuse.

Best Plot Twist

That one guy comes back to beat up aliens - Cromartie High The Movie

I really wish I could remember this character's name, but it's a Japanese movie that I do not have access to at the moment, so I will have to refer to him as that guy. The last third of the movie is about aliens attacking the earth and the Earth Defense Force of Cromartie High is the only thing standing in their way. As they are failing horribly, that guy comes back. He was part of a joke much earlier in the movie. He was afraid of flying on a plane for a school trip, so when hijackers took over the plan he began to help them in order to delay the flight as much as possible. Once the hijackers begin to become too scared to continue, he basically takes over the operation and unfortunately encourages them so much that they fly to South America. The last time we see him before the ending he's fighting off a tribe.

Worst Plot Twist

DINOSAURS! - The Wizard

The Wizard should have ended after the Nintendo tournament was won, but it kept going. What did it keep going to show us? The real reason Jimmy was obsessed with California: the giant dinosaur statues that the family went to visit shortly before his twin sister died. He randomly has his parents pull over and he jumps out yelling "Dinosaurs!" before leaving the lunchbox of his sister's belongings inside of the gift shop. Dawwwww... You are forgiven if you forgot about the twin sister long before this scene.

Best Sub-plot

Anti-gay potion - Ben & Arthur

Victor, Arthur's brother, does a lot of things to get rid of Arthur's gay. One plan consisted of taping holy water to his door to trick him into drinking it. I'm not entirely sure how that was going to work either, but he must have tried it before. When Ben and Arthur notice it, Arthur's keen mind instantly identifies it as an anti-gay potion left there by his brother. Despite not being there when it was left. Victor never tries to slip the anti-gay potion in a drink or anything sensible, he kind of just forgets about it.

Dumbest Ending

DOUBLE DECKER BALONEY SANDWICH! - Troll 2

Grandpa Seth has to go, but left Joshua a backpack with a secret weapon with which to destroy the goblins. Instantly the monsters recoil in horror, worrying about the cholesterol and fat. This gives Joshua a chance to escape and move into position to use the Magic Stone of Stonehenge to defeat them. It's incredibly stupid.

Worst Concept

Crab Monsters are eating peoples' brains and using dynamite to blow up an island - Attack of the Crab Monsters

Attack of the Crab Monsters has crab monsters and they are attacking things. Also they are using dynamite to blow up an island, piece by piece. Did I mention that the crab monsters eat the brains of their victims, which allows them to absorb their intelligence? By the way, they are weak to electricity, like Pokemon. It's probably one of the worst monster movie ideas of all time, and it could only be done by the great Roger Corman.

Worst Storyline

Spice World

Spice World doesn't exactly have a plot so much as a series of scenes where the spice girls do things. There's this one guy who's trying to ruin their reputation, but they don't interact with him too much and he's pretty ineffectual. A friend of theirs randomly has a baby at one point. Also Meatloaf is there, driving the bus, so maybe the whole movie is about Meatloaf's quiet suffering as he has to drive them around. Aliens appear at one point, and are apparently huge Spice Girls fans. Also there may or may not have been a bomb planted on the Spice Girls' van at the end and a giant car chase. The movie makes even less sense than that description. Don't bother trying to understand it.

Worst Science

The Core

Insultingly Stupid Movie Physics says that The Core has the worst movie physics of all time. It turns out that the earth's core has stopped rotating, this causes an entire city block to be hit by an electromagnetic pulse and a street to be hit by crazy birds like in The Birds. These varying, highly local problems strike the whole world over, so a team is sent into the earth's core inside of a giant worm made of unobtanium to detonate 5 200-ton atomic bombs, forcing it to move again. Oh, did I mention that a hole in "Earth's electromagnetic energy field" causes the Golden Gate Bridge to melt? That makes two destruction of the golden gate bridge in I Don't Even movies. The Mega Shark eating it made more sense than this though.

Best Villain Death

Evil Executives - Shark Attack 3: Megalodon

While many people have died in a variety of ridiculous, awesome, and/or hilarious ways in the movies we have watched, it's hard to top the horrible greenscreening and amazing stupidity of these deaths. The fact that this same video of the shark is used over and over again makes it even worse. The coup de gras is of course the main villain's stupidity as he drives straight into the shark's giant, open mouth.