Predators: Here we go again...

Back in 1987, a movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger gave us reason to avoid going into the jungle...aside from giant insects, headhunters, festering disease and a climate that made hell look like a spring day. That movie was called “Predator,” and it started what could only be called a global phenomenon that includes movies, countless comic book crossovers with classic heroes and monsters (“Batman vs Predator” being one of my favorites), video games and even a Collectible Card Game back-in-the-day.

For those uninitiated into the fandom, a “Predator” is a hulking monster of an alien whose sole point in existing seems to be hunting and killing for the thrill. Sporting greasy, reptilian dreads and a snarl only a mother would love, and armed with wrist blades, a wicked collapsible naginata, shoulder-mounted plasma cannon, cloaking device, and the ability to see in multiple visible spectra, the Predators embody the very essence of the killing machine, wrapped up in mountains of “cool.” Needless to say, the movie was a bona fide hit, and added to Ah-nuld’s status as the premiere action hero of his day.

Fast forward 23 years, and the latest “installment” in the series, aptly titled “Predators,” takes the series away from some of it’s more colorful modern settings, and places it back where it all began, in the jungle. The previous three or four outings in the series saw the monsters relocated to LA, where they stalked Danny Glover (but we don’t talk about that one) and then to deep space, where they engaged in brutal combat with the xenomorphs from the “Alien” films. While entertaining, those movies were pure fandom fluff, spawned by the wickedly popular crossovers of the 90s and 00s comic book revolution. That’s not to say that this one is not. In fact, “Predators” continues the trend right where the last “Aliens vs Predator” left off, full of mindless action and horrid dialogue, but still having elements of the same cool it did way back when, just heavily diluted.

Let’s get this out of the way first: there is no plot. There is a setup- eight people are plucked from their real world lives, and awaken in a freefall over a strange planet. Each one represents the “ultimate predator” on their world: there are cartel enforcers, yakuza, IDF, African death squad mercenaries, serial killers, Morpheus and Adrien Brody. And they gradually come to understand they are in some sort of game preserve, where they are hunted by a trio of the Predators, from which the movie takes its name. That’s about it. No surprises, no twists (at least none that you don’t see coming). But then again, you’re not going to this movie for serious dramatic acting or a compelling tale. You’re here to watch Predators kill people and blow stuff up. And believe me, there is plenty of that.

Unfortunately, very little goes beyond anything we haven’t seen before. People explode, someone gets their spinal column torn out, there are a couple of decapitations and there are a few impalements, but nothing truly disturbing or innovative. Where the original Predator pushed the envelope somewhat on what could be done with an “R” rating, this movie keeps to essentially the same level. The atmosphere is dark and smelly (not unlike the theatre itself), and suits the general theme of the movie, but again, it’s nothing we haven’t seen a hundred times already. Where the innovation falls flat, they try to make up for it in sheer volume, whether it be the gatling gun firing off into a herd of Predator “dogs,” repeated shankings, or bigger explosions. The one possible exception to this is a rather interesting scene involving the token yakuza, a samurai sword, and a field of long grass. What comes out of it is vaguely poetic and I suppose symbolic.

The characters are caricatures and exaggerations of stereotypes, some done well, some done awfully. Adrien Brody, picking up after, and ultimately emulating, Schwarzenegger, does his best with what he has, but ultimately falls short of being a true action hero. Despite a chiseled body, attitude and a definite proficiency for swearing, he should just stick to what he does best: playing the piano and orally violating Halle Berry. Alice Braga is ridiculously adorable as the IDF agent Isabelle, Topher Grace continues to try to cast off the cloud of Eric Forman, and a cameo by Laurence Fishburne round out the recognizable talent. Danny Trejo, best known for his voice acting work (he played Enrique on King of the Hill) shows up for a few seconds. Walton Goggins plays the role of Stan the convict with excellent overacting (at one point he actually says “5 o’clock, prime b***h-raping time” and actually keeps a perfectly straight face). But much props go out to Louis Ozawa Changchien for his portrayal of the yakuza: he conveys more with plain expressions than most of the other characters do with dialogue. That, and the sword fight.

So I suppose it comes down to whether or not I recommend this movie. As I said before, this is a formulaic Predator film, done strictly by the numbers and doing little to innovate or refresh the series. Anyone who has seen the last few installments is going to get more of the same. Unlike the first film, there is no suspense, no questions regarding what exactly is hunting the team (not even to them, thanks to some name-checking), and the sole surprise comes from the discovery that there is another race of Predators out there, which make sport of hunting the ones we are familiar with. (Actually, that was pretty cool- the “berserk” predators, as they are called, are infinitely “cooler” than the ones we have come to know.) But if you are going to see this film because you are a Predator fan, or just want some mindless action riddled with explosions and blood, then by all means go. You will not be disappointed.