Sonic 06 is the Worst Game Ever Made Part 2 - Sonic

Dawww isn't it absolutely creepy?

The absolute worst part of Sonic 06 is the blue blur himself. Bad camera, horrid controls, awful glitches, and horrendous level design are just a few of his many, many problems. Also he walks along a flowery field with a human girl. Oh and his story sometimes makes you play as Tails who moves incredibly slowly and has awkward flying controls.

I suppose I should talk about Sonic's "plot" some first so you can better appreciate the horror that is Sonic the Hedgehog 2006. The following video is the opening cutscene to Sonic's story, watch in amazement.

I actually refused to watch a certain Final Fantasy XIII trailer because it starts off in almost exactly the same way. After this abomination plays, you are thrust past four loading screens to the city of Soleanna. Remember how much fun the field segments of Sonic Adventure were? This section is just like that only much, much worse. The hints about what to do are incredibly vague and almost always completely unhelpful.

Most of the time spent in the adventure field involves you running around in circles, getting lost, and talking to idiotic townspeople. Except when it has you playing awful minigames with townspeople. Oh, and when it makes you spend 20 minutes trying to find an item shop so you can buy a power up. Do you wanna play a stealth minigame as Sonic? Well you have to, because there is a mandatory one in the overworld at one point.

However, the adventure field/overworld/whatever is probably one of the best parts of the game, featuring only a few horrible bugs. Once you start doing Sonic's actual levels it becomes completely unbearable as the already fairly broken 3D Sonic gameplay reaches new heights of ineptitude.

I hate you Sonic.

I cannot count the times scripted jump sequences killed me. I hit a speed ramp that makes me jump, only for it to launch me not quite far enough, or for it to launch me too low. Maybe I accidentally tried to move at some point, but that could not account for the times where due to constant deaths I would let go of the controller the second I hit the jump so I couldn't sabotage it and yet I still died anyway. Then there is the standard falling through the environment, randomly hitting invisible objects while trying to run along a wall, boring combat, awful controls, random flying off of the edge of the screen, and so much more.

To see this horrible, horrible gameplay in action, watch this part of the famous Sonic 2006 Let's Play where a group of friends played through the whole game in one sitting. This 25 minute long clip shows off the horrible gameplay, the poor controls, the fact that the game doesn't autosave, the horrible load times, and generally tells you want my game experience was like. Except I didn't have friends in the room when I played. It took them twenty-five minutes to beat the first level.

Also the game has a nasty habit of randomly throwing in stage transitions. In one level I was about to hit some speed boosts when the game decided it was time to show me a loading screen and transport me somewhere completely different with no explanation. Also it took away the snowboard it was making me use, again, with no explanation.

The worst part, the absolute worst part, the part where you wonder what they could have possibly been thinking is the mach speed sections. When these sections start Sonic yells "TIME TO SPEED THINGS UP!" before going super-fast and becoming wildly uncontrollable. Anything besides the slightest tilt to the left or right will cause him to go flying off of the course to his death. The game expects you to do platforming while this is going on. Sonic's levels quickly became a game of trying to keep all of my lives until the mach speed portion, whereupon I would often lose almost all, if not all, of my lives.

Screw you Elise.

Speaking of dying, thanks to the game's horrible physics when Sonic dies he starts doing somersaults at the exact same speed he was going at before he died. Even if hitting a wall head on is why you died. He will just go through environments and into the sunset somersaulting while dead. It looks incredibly stupid and makes little sense.

Oh and while all this frustrating gameplay is going on, we are treated to multiple cutscenes of Sonic and Elise(the princess) flirting in meadows while Sonic tells Elise to smile. I cannot stress enough how creepy this is as Sonic's hands are pretty much the size of her entire torso. In addition, Elise's legs are a different color than the rest of her body, they are orange. Why? Apparently SEGA can't texture pantyhose so they decided to just make her legs orange. This looks incredibly stupid and kind of disturbing. I will go into Elise as a character later when I discuss the final story.

As the "plot" unfolds, we are given such great lines from Tails as "I don't think Eggman will honor his agreement." Also there is time travel. Yes, time travel, and a lot of it. Also alternate dimensions are involved in Silver's story, but that's for next time. Basically stuff happens, Elise is kidnapped, Elise is rescued, Elise is kidnapped, Elise is rescued, Elise is kidnapped, Elise is rescued, Elise is captured, Eggman throws Sonic and crew through a random time portal that just so happens to place them right next to Rouge and Shadow, they get Chaos Emeralds, they time travel, Elise is rescued, random things that have no actual bearing to the plot as a whole happen, Elise willingly surrenders herself to Eggman, Eggman's ship blows up and everyone dies.

Yes, everyone dies. So then Silver decides that he and Sonic should go back in time to stop the ship from blowing up, but Sonic is a man and does things by himself. Then the day is saved and the credits roll. I spared you the horrible details, but the generalities are pretty horrible too. This entire story is presented rather schizophrenically as random things happen between random moments of teleportation and amazingly convenient timing.

You will never be able to unsee this. Ever. Thank you Deviant Art User BigJohnnyCool

The storyline only gets worse from there when we look at what the other hedgehogs are up to in the following installments. Thankfully, the gameplay is mostly better. Okay, I lied, there are maybe a few moments of brief reprieve, but it is almost just as bad. Just without anything as frustrating as the mach speed sections, except Silver's physics puzzles and Shadow's vehicular sections.

Comments

[xino]

well the person playing is sort of playing retarded:/

But damn man, Sonic runs slow O_o

Sonic 2006 revamp was supposed to be a Sonic mature feel, but Sega farked it up!

[Evan Krell]

"Tummykisses_for_Sonic_by_BigJohnnyCool.jpg"

"Tummykisses_for_Sonic_by_BigJohnnyCool.jpg"

[AeonPhoenix]

Another reason never to play this game: IT PROMOTES BEASTIALITY

[Nob]

341 views? That is PROGRESS.

Also good article bad game, yas.

[derpity derpity derp]

Implying Superman 64 wasn't the worst game ever made.

[BigJohnnyCool]

Your welcome

BTW, thanks for stealing my art, jerk offs