Welcome, boys and girls, to another exciting episode of Worst Column Ever.
This week we have exciting videos and an article I wrote at 5 AM.
Dancing with Dragons

The title may confuse, but about half way you will understand the dragon part. I don’t know why either.

Pokewalkers + Phonographs

The problem with the Pokewalker is how it encourages you to be outside of the home and walking around. Having to manually tend to your Pokewalkers can disrupt a packed schedule of breeding and battles. Having to phonograph do the work for you just makes sense.

NEWSFLASH: “Little Red Riding Hood’s Zombie Barbeque” is a real game that I just learned about. Its only four dollars from some places. [Amazon]

Never Make Fun of Magikarp Again.

8-Bit Doctor Horrible

NES port of the arcade classic.

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Also here is something I wrote around 5 am a few weeks ago. I haven’t spell checked it or even read it since then. I have no idea if it makes any sense.

Game Boys are Cool.

I’ve been playing a lot of Game Boy games lately on my first piece of handheld hardware- a blue and yellow Game Boy Colour with Pikachu, Togepi, and Jigglypuff around the sides. It is my pride and joy and sits displayed proudly on my shelf when not in use. I still go to bed using an ancient Worm Light to see the screen for a few last Pokemon battles before bed. Playing through Mario Land and Link’s Awakening made me realize how much “quirkier” these two first party games are than the other entries in their respective franchises. In this article, I’ll be taking a quick look at some of the interesting aspects of these two games.

Super Mario Land

The Mario series is known for being a whimsical series. The very premise is about an italian plumber who eats muschroom ro get more powerful and traverses the Mushroom Kingdom, stopping on or shooting any turtles, fish, or goombas that get in his way. It is fantasy, for sure, but Mario Land is different. Super Mario Land goes in a much stranger diraction than any Mario games before or since. Super Mario Bros 2 is often mentioned as being a bit more odd and “dreamlike”, but Mario Land deserves that title not only becuase its legitimatly a Mario game. Super Mario Land consists of four kingdoms in the world of Sarasaland*- Birabuto, Muda, Easton, and Chai. What you really get though is Egypt, China, Easter Island, the Ocean, and a sky full of projectile chickens. In Egypt, Mario navigates through an ancient pyramid and defeats a fireball spewing Sphinx. Easter Island has enemy Maoi statues, and kung fu warriors descend upon you in China. The enemies are beyond weird, with your standard koopas turning into bombs when stepped on. A lot of the foes have a dramatic death where their carcass jumps off the screen. The game includes two non-optional scrolling shooter levels. Love platformers, but hate shmups? Too bad, because even the final battle is between Mario in a plane and a giant ship boss.

Description alone cannot do justice to how different this game feels from a normal Mario title, despite the gameplay mechanics being near identical. The graphics, level design, enemies all seem a bit off from the Mario norm. Super Mario Land 1, 3 and 3 were not produced by Morimoto, but Gunpei Yokoi- creator of the Game Boy, Metroid series, Game & Watch, Fire Emblem, Kid Icarus, and other. The man is a genious game designer and was able to use the Mario series in a way that was both familiar and very different.

Super Mario Land 2 continues to diverge from the gameplay of Super Mario Bros. The game introduces a bucketload of new elements in practically every level. However, it is so different that it doesn’t feel “weird” like Super Mario Land 1. The first game was odd because it felt like an alternate Mario Bros where everything is just a little bit different. The second game is just a very different game. Both are fantastic games though; if you haven’t played them then get on it.

I was discussing this topic not long ago with Darkmirror_Link and we agreed that modern Mario games are too stuck in established lore. Darkmirror_Link described New Super Mario Bros as feeling too “sterile”. It seems that the Mario universe is content to sit back and provide fanservice than inject the games with new creativity. Yokoi took the foundations of the Mario series, but then made the games his own. Instead of having a New Super Mario Bros be a complete rehash of the earliest game, I would like to see something different. Some of my favourite Mario paltformers strongly deviate from Mario expectations, including Super Mario Sunshine and Yoshi’s Island.

Links Awakening

One of the things I find most memorable in the fourth Legend of Zelda title, Link’s Awakening, is the humour of the game. The Mario RPGS and plenty of other titles have silly dialogue as a key element. Link’s Awakening is an early example of funny dialogue significantly impacting the feel of a game. I’ll mention a few of the better moments.

During the game’s large trade quest, you receive a letter from a goat to deliver to Mr. Wright (get it?). When you deliver the message, Wright is excited that this letter comes with a photo of the sender. However, the photo is of Princess Peach, not the goat who sent it.

Part of the game has you taking Marin to the animal village. As with all new items, like proudly holds her over his head with the narration “You got Marin! Could this be your big chance?”. Hit a chicken while she is following you to have her say “HAHAHAHA DO IT AGAIN DO IIIIIIIT!!!!. Oh I’m sorry I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”

“Hi there, big guy! I’m Crazy Tracy! I’ve a got a little secret for sale that’ll pump you up!” “Will you give me 28 rupees for my secret?” “All right, come here and I’ll rub it on you! …There… I’ve applied my own secret medicine!” The dialogue in this game is defined by such weird wording.

“You got the magic rod! Burn things! Burn, baby burn!”

The humour goes beyond just the wording. There are plenty of visual treats. The most noticeable aspect that most have surprised young gamers everywhere was the inclusion of Mario enemies throughout the game. Right way you see a woman in the village who has a pet chain chomp in the yard. In the Zelda 1-style sidescrolling dungeon segments, there are now cheep cheeps, bloopers, goombas, and thwomps. A yoshi doll can be obtained from the crane game.

There is a delightful feeling of whimsy throughout the entire adventure that was not present in the three preceding Zeldas. It has been utilized in future Zelda games, some more than others. Link’s Awakening is not a game that I played in my early gaming years, but one that I only recently played through. I would say that it and Majora’s Mask share a very similar vibe. Both have plenty of personality and quirk, but not at the expense of having some of the more impacting stories in the franchise. Interesting how two of the ones that takes place outside of Hyrule have the more interesting stories and characters.

Tagged with: 8-bit • Dancing • Doctor Horrible • Dragons • Game Boy • Links Awakening • Pokewalker • Super Mario Land